A Parent’s Guide to Building Confidence, Not Pressure

High school pickleball is becoming more competitive every season. With new opportunities to track official pickleball ratings and compete in the High School Pickleball National Pathway, today’s teen athletes are more motivated—and more pressured—than ever before.

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But here’s the thing: they’re still kids. They’re still figuring out how to manage nerves, disappointment, and the very real emotional rollercoaster of competitive sports — all while making sure their grades don’t suffer.

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As a parent, coach, or sibling, your words matter more than you might think. One comment can either lift your teen up… or stick with them in the worst way.

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You’re Not the One Playing—And That’s Okay

It’s easy to have strong opinions when you’re watching from the sidelines. Maybe they missed a shot they normally make. Maybe they didn’t seem aggressive enough. Maybe their partner didn’t play well and it threw them off. We get it—it’s frustrating to watch, especially when you care.

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But here’s the truth: there are so many factors in a pickleball match that are invisible—mental pressure, teammate chemistry, even just a bad day. Reacting as if you were the one competing only adds more stress.

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Be mindful of your body language before, during, and after your child’s pickleball match. Try to stay present—avoid distractions like checking your phone, shouting from the sidelines, or showing visible frustration or discomfort, like covering your face or turning away. 

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Your job isn’t to be a coach (unless you actually are one). Your job is to support, guide, and help your teen learn how to manage both victory and defeat. 

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Why Tough Losses Matter More Than Wins

Tough losses tend to stick with us longer than big wins—and there’s actually a psychological reason for that. Our brains are wired to hold onto negative experiences more than positive ones. It’s called negativity bias, and it’s a natural part of how we process emotions. We’re more likely to replay a loss in our minds than to relive the high of a win.

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For high school athletes, this can be especially true. A match that didn’t go well might feel like it defines their whole season—or affects how they view themselves as a player.

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But here’s the flip side: because losses tend to stick with us longer, they often become the most valuable learning experiences. What makes the difference is how we respond to them.

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Help your teen understand that one tough match doesn’t erase all their progress—or their potential. Even the best players have off days, and no single result will define their pickleball rating or future in the sport. Plus, if your child plays in tournaments regularly, their reliability score improves—meaning their rating is less likely to swing drastically after one loss.

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What matters most isn’t the outcome—it’s how they respond the next time they step on the court.

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Should You Say Something… or Not?

You might be asking:

• “Should I talk to my kid after the match?”
• “What if my kid doesn’t want me to watch him play?”
• “What if my kid always blames his doubles partner after a loss?”
• “How should I handle it when my kid starts throwing or breaking their pickleball paddle after a tough match?"

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There’s no perfect script, but there are better ways to approach these situations. Start by recognizing that your teen is trying to figure it out just like you are. Be the steady presence they can rely on.

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What to Say and What Not to Say

Let’s walk through a few scenarios and how to respond:

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The High School Pickleball National Pathway: Big Dreams Start Here

The High School Pickleball National Championship was designed to give student-athletes across the country a chance to compete at the national level. As they play more sanctioned matches and build their DUPR pickleball ratings, teens are developing real goals, accountability, and a deeper love for the game.

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But it’s not just about the rating. It’s about helping young players grow into confident, emotionally mature individuals—who can win with humility and lose with perspective.

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Final Thoughts for Parents

Every high school athlete will experience a tough loss at some point. What matters most is how we, as the adults in their corner, respond.

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Be their safe space. Let them feel what they’re feeling. And remind them that no single match defines who they are—or where they’re headed.

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Support them, believe in them, and help them see the big picture. Because in the end, it’s not just about improving pickleball ratings—it’s about raising strong, resilient young people.

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The most confident athletes aren’t the ones who’ve never lost—they’re the ones who keep showing up, learning from every mistake, and trusting themselves through every setback.

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Every tournament is a chance to grow. Encourage your teen to stay in the game, even when it’s hard. That’s how champions—on and off the court—are made.

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